(This article originally appeared in the May 1, 2012 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Some of us are still wondering when that true soul mate will enter our lives and help complete the wholeness that we so desire. It can take a lifetime and going through many failed relationships to finally connect with the right one. I often wonder how people even know what a true soul mate is. I hear some folk talking about their relationship they are still in which began at age 16. And how so many of us wanted to stay with the sweet sixteen lover forever. What makes a soul mate so special and how do we attract this person? Yes it has been a long journey for some of us and so long that we’ve forgotten what it was like to be desired, wanted, to have a man pull the sweater over your shoulder and have a woman look you in the eyes and say she loves you and means it. Some are in relationships because they have stopped growing and basically just exist with someone. After being married for so many years you may wake up one day and find yourself wanting a new relationship.
One thing about love is that you have to be ready or you will attract temporary and sometimes trouble. Soul mates are all around you, your best friend, your parents, your co-workers and so on but romantic soul mate is deeper and more of a yearning. I believe romantic soul mate requires us to go deep inside and face ourselves with love and understanding before we can attract our true mate. It is important to have healthy, bonding loving relationships with those around you. This is a pre-requisite for the soul mate to enter your life. The quest for love and happiness is really a yearning for wholeness. Having a soul mate can help you open up to a new exploration of the heart and find real true love that is beyond the ordinary. Sounds like the fairy tale but why do some of us get it and others continue to suffer.
The law of attraction is the new way to get what you want from love to career and so on. So how do we attract this power? One thing first is to identify your patterns in your last relationships. When we break patterns all kinds of possibilities show up. Let’s start by changing the places we go. Explore new territory and make new friends. Invite yourself in to connect with others. Go to different meet-up groups and try different types of dance places like ballroom or salsa. All of these things are to help you break patterns and make change, so we have begun. Sex sails with a partner when you have things in common. If you like to golf then go to those places, do things that you like to do and connect to people this way. If you like drama then join a theatre group. Start doing things that turn you on, stop following what your friends like.
Next let’s identify our challenges, insecurities and fears; begin to make a list. It is important to be honest with your challenges and facing them so that you don’t get into the habit of projecting onto your partner. Look at why your last few relationships have failed. Also make a list of what you past lover found irritating about you. Focus on the things you don’t like so that they don’t outweigh the things you do like in a mate. There should be some sort of balance.
Next let us focus on communication, openness and honesty. Begin with trusting yourself and cultivating this within and you will in turn begin to trust your mate. Learn to accept criticism and truth. Be upfront and communicate just what you need and want and where you are in your life. Be adaptable and open until you mesh as one with your mate. Be open to try new things your mate introduces to you.
Know your preferences such as what you want in a mate. If you want a non-smoker than put that out there. Make a list of what you will put up with. If you like to travel, best to find someone who does as well or you will be alone. Know what you like and find that in your mate. If you get someone who matches you at 40 percent it could work with some adjustments.
Let go of the past lovers that you still think about. Remove those energetic hooks that keep you connected. Energetic hooks in you or in someone else can prevent you from meeting someone. Before you can attract your soul mate you need to be ready on an emotional and physical level. You need to have your home ready as if this soul mate is already living in there. I suggest clearing the bedroom and make this area nice and ready. Get some real nice sheets and fancy curtains and rugs. Adorn it with flowers and candles and talk as if this person was in the room there with you. Write him/her poems about your feelings and how you can’t wait to be together one day. Use your imagination to create what you want, that is what it is for. Oh and go out and buy a new bed and fancy it up, and keep it sacred and pure for that soul mate to arrive.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Showing posts with label Love Buzz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love Buzz. Show all posts
Monday, September 22, 2014
Love Buzz - Why Do We Hurt The One We Love
(This originally appeared in the July 26th, 2011 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
I generally don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone I don’t love. I don’t hurt human beings but rather I honor them, love them, show compassion and empathy as often as I can. This tells me my heart is working and is being exercised in the most stimulating way I know. I am writing this because I have been hurt so much with love and I often wonder why they love me and then they don’t. I feel that we are put into relationships to learn how to love ourselves even more and so the hate weighs out the love of the person we channeled it to and possibly this is why we go on to hate a former lover just so to get the love back to ourselves. It does make sense to me because to love someone deeply we must first love ourselves and take the love from the heart source and share it with another. We begin to be mean and hateful when it comes to breaking up in an effort to get the love of the self back. Why does it have to be this way? We lend out our love to mates and sometimes we don’t get back what we put out. We need to be more objective with romance because relationships these days are all about sharing the love with everybody and women have yet to learn to come to this maturity in accepting a man in this way.
Romantic relationships continually harness the sense of our self, propelling us to grow. Within every relationship there is growth that we must see. The big question today is why is it so difficult to stay together for a period of time and give each other the fulfillment that we deserve in the relationship. I think we have lost value of what a relationship means. These short half on end relationships are not even worthy anymore. Why get into them for six months to just get out of them which can take longer. It can get so tiring. It’s a wonder our world is so dysfunctional. Then there are those who get married and have that containment and have side affairs which end as well and promises, promises are made and people get hurt. Humans are hurting each other every day in many ways not only in relationships. But relationships are where it all begins and are suppose to teach us.
So just how can we heal the hurt pain? Relationships teach growth and each and every one is a stepping stone to improving yourself. But some stay victim and build defenses and just can’t seem to find the love of life after a bad romance. A study revealed that the mental health of men is more affected by the strains of romance than women. It also revealed that men benefit from support more than women. I believe this is true because men need the attention; they have baby needs that always need fulfillment and women go overboard in being the mommy the nurturer and so on. For women just simply having the relationship matters most whether it provides stress or support. Professor Robin W. Simon quoted in the New York Times; “even though there’s been so much social change in this area, women’s self-worth is still so much tied up with having a boyfriend. My feeling on that is in this day and age yes we should be because men have so many women on strings that just having a boyfriend is the American dream anymore and holding onto him. Look at the stars, Aniston, Madonna and Cher all have a challenge holding onto the relationship.
It seems as though women know how to do relationships and men still need to learn and this could explain the strains of hurt. Although it always looks and feels as though women hurt more and they probably do. I think that women show more emotion and manifest expressive behaviors a lot more than a man simply because they just wanted the relationship. We know it comes with strain and pain. Men learned to stay composed and in control but they have feelings to and they do hurt. They teach themselves to close off the heart because their sexual side comes first whereas women’s hearts are first. We need a little more harmony in these areas. Women tend to find creative outlets for emotional channeling than men and is probably why they look more emotionally stimulated. We want to see the feminine vulnerable spiritual side of a man. Men rely solely on a girlfriend for all the emotional needs. It’s a wonder us women are strong yet some becoming needy that really aren’t. Men actually put the pressure on a woman with their undiffused emotional self. Of course men are more in the moment when it comes to romance where women always look long term and probably so because of the reproductive clock thing. I will leave you with one thought here as Oscar Wilde said: “ each man kills the thing he loves”; however hurting one’s beloved is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness; more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it. To me this says that on some level we are not deserving of the fulfillment that love brings.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
I generally don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone I don’t love. I don’t hurt human beings but rather I honor them, love them, show compassion and empathy as often as I can. This tells me my heart is working and is being exercised in the most stimulating way I know. I am writing this because I have been hurt so much with love and I often wonder why they love me and then they don’t. I feel that we are put into relationships to learn how to love ourselves even more and so the hate weighs out the love of the person we channeled it to and possibly this is why we go on to hate a former lover just so to get the love back to ourselves. It does make sense to me because to love someone deeply we must first love ourselves and take the love from the heart source and share it with another. We begin to be mean and hateful when it comes to breaking up in an effort to get the love of the self back. Why does it have to be this way? We lend out our love to mates and sometimes we don’t get back what we put out. We need to be more objective with romance because relationships these days are all about sharing the love with everybody and women have yet to learn to come to this maturity in accepting a man in this way.
Romantic relationships continually harness the sense of our self, propelling us to grow. Within every relationship there is growth that we must see. The big question today is why is it so difficult to stay together for a period of time and give each other the fulfillment that we deserve in the relationship. I think we have lost value of what a relationship means. These short half on end relationships are not even worthy anymore. Why get into them for six months to just get out of them which can take longer. It can get so tiring. It’s a wonder our world is so dysfunctional. Then there are those who get married and have that containment and have side affairs which end as well and promises, promises are made and people get hurt. Humans are hurting each other every day in many ways not only in relationships. But relationships are where it all begins and are suppose to teach us.
So just how can we heal the hurt pain? Relationships teach growth and each and every one is a stepping stone to improving yourself. But some stay victim and build defenses and just can’t seem to find the love of life after a bad romance. A study revealed that the mental health of men is more affected by the strains of romance than women. It also revealed that men benefit from support more than women. I believe this is true because men need the attention; they have baby needs that always need fulfillment and women go overboard in being the mommy the nurturer and so on. For women just simply having the relationship matters most whether it provides stress or support. Professor Robin W. Simon quoted in the New York Times; “even though there’s been so much social change in this area, women’s self-worth is still so much tied up with having a boyfriend. My feeling on that is in this day and age yes we should be because men have so many women on strings that just having a boyfriend is the American dream anymore and holding onto him. Look at the stars, Aniston, Madonna and Cher all have a challenge holding onto the relationship.
It seems as though women know how to do relationships and men still need to learn and this could explain the strains of hurt. Although it always looks and feels as though women hurt more and they probably do. I think that women show more emotion and manifest expressive behaviors a lot more than a man simply because they just wanted the relationship. We know it comes with strain and pain. Men learned to stay composed and in control but they have feelings to and they do hurt. They teach themselves to close off the heart because their sexual side comes first whereas women’s hearts are first. We need a little more harmony in these areas. Women tend to find creative outlets for emotional channeling than men and is probably why they look more emotionally stimulated. We want to see the feminine vulnerable spiritual side of a man. Men rely solely on a girlfriend for all the emotional needs. It’s a wonder us women are strong yet some becoming needy that really aren’t. Men actually put the pressure on a woman with their undiffused emotional self. Of course men are more in the moment when it comes to romance where women always look long term and probably so because of the reproductive clock thing. I will leave you with one thought here as Oscar Wilde said: “ each man kills the thing he loves”; however hurting one’s beloved is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness; more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it. To me this says that on some level we are not deserving of the fulfillment that love brings.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Love Buzz - RECEIVING FROM THE HEART
(This article was published in the Century City News on April 17, 2012)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Are you a giver or a receiver? It is said that giving is a way to open to the higher power while receiving is a way to connect to the universe. When we receive we allow the positive flow of another’s gifts to circulate through our system. We give ourselves the permission to let someone in. I believe if we can’t receive then we lack a sense of worth, loss and possibly guilt. Some people would rather give because they don’t know how to receive . When we receive there is a warmth in the heart that begins to open up with joy; a warmth that surrounds the chest and heart areas with love and attention and a feeling of love that circulates through the rest of the body. Is this hard to receive? Receiving comes in many forms such as taking a compliment, or a material gift or a smile or even a touch. When we allow ourselves to receive there is a certain love that we show ourselves that no one else experiences but you. Receiving is a way of connecting and opening your heart to your own feelings. You may not like a gift that someone gives you but the question is how well do you receive it? Do you receive it with anger, disappointment, and frustration or with love even if they didn’t know what you needed or wanted. Did it ever occur to you that people are trying their best to please us in any way they can. When you go to a restaurant and you didn’t like the dessert that was homemade from this family owned restaurant; do you label it as being bad food or do you instead say to your heart, they tried their best to please me the customer and they did put effort into it and I should appreciate them for their love; they are doing their best. We forget to look at what other people have available to give from their hearts. We only give what we are able to and what we know. When we receive we teach ourselves and others the real meaning of love and in essence we get smarter and sharper.
Are you a terrible receiver and caught between the heart and the words thank you? Do you over give and forget you have boundaries? Giving and receiving are what connect us to the fundamental experiences of life and interdependence. When we give unconditionally we also long to receive deeply and liberally and to feel the meaning of being touched, nourished and transformed by others. It is others who help us transform into the next dimension of our being.
Let us take it a step further, are you a giver or receiver in the bedroom and do you have a hard time asking for what you want and deserve to receive? This practice of receiving begins in everyday life activities before it can even have affect in the bedroom. Receiving can be challenging as we live in a world of selfishness and when we receive with open heart it can sometimes look like selfishness. To remove the selfish and get away from the “take” requires intention and love. Good intention when giving helps people open to a different level that allows them to feel and appreciate. This can be contagious. If we are cold hearted and hateful then receiving can get lost and become taking. There are takers out there and we need to teach them to appreciate everything even the little things that they are given from others and the universe. The universe gives us so much everyday; and yet we don’t take notice. The old saying is better to give then to receive is not true. It is good to have a balance between the two. When we allow ourselves to receive our levels of dopamine rise which is the hormone of feeling good. Receive with confidence and courage. Anthropologist Marcel Mauss examined gift economics and concluded that there is no such thing as a free gift. He claimed that one has no right to refuse a gift, if so it shows a fear of having to reciprocate. So when you receive do you feel obligated to give back such as in holiday or birthday times? The old tit for tat theory. If you receive with open heart and confidence those false feelings of obligation will dissolve. We give to show love and affection and we should also receive with those same feelings. In China the practice of reciprocity is so profound that it is the basic rule of being a person. They believe in repaying ones gratitude with more than what they received. For example if they honor one arm they repay back in honoring ten arms. Every culture has its own way and values when it comes to giving and receiving. In China they also believe in refusing the gift over and over before finally receiving it. I guess working for it so to speak, climbing the ladder of karma and worth.
Sometimes receivers feel weaker and fear having to let down their ego in order to be humble and kind. Part of receiving is giving up control, resistance, armor and defense. Even when we give advice people reject that because of their frail egos may have to open to the heart of receiving. If we are not a good receiver we can lose respect from others in the sense that they may take advantage. Everyone deserves to receive in many ways which says I can and deserve to receive love.
Receiving is one of the most intimate gifts of life and if you miss this part of it you are not living. My advice is to accept what your partner is giving and find the connection. Receiving can heal your pain and is very empowering so I recommend faking it for a while until that heart opens and connects to the whole experience
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Are you a giver or a receiver? It is said that giving is a way to open to the higher power while receiving is a way to connect to the universe. When we receive we allow the positive flow of another’s gifts to circulate through our system. We give ourselves the permission to let someone in. I believe if we can’t receive then we lack a sense of worth, loss and possibly guilt. Some people would rather give because they don’t know how to receive . When we receive there is a warmth in the heart that begins to open up with joy; a warmth that surrounds the chest and heart areas with love and attention and a feeling of love that circulates through the rest of the body. Is this hard to receive? Receiving comes in many forms such as taking a compliment, or a material gift or a smile or even a touch. When we allow ourselves to receive there is a certain love that we show ourselves that no one else experiences but you. Receiving is a way of connecting and opening your heart to your own feelings. You may not like a gift that someone gives you but the question is how well do you receive it? Do you receive it with anger, disappointment, and frustration or with love even if they didn’t know what you needed or wanted. Did it ever occur to you that people are trying their best to please us in any way they can. When you go to a restaurant and you didn’t like the dessert that was homemade from this family owned restaurant; do you label it as being bad food or do you instead say to your heart, they tried their best to please me the customer and they did put effort into it and I should appreciate them for their love; they are doing their best. We forget to look at what other people have available to give from their hearts. We only give what we are able to and what we know. When we receive we teach ourselves and others the real meaning of love and in essence we get smarter and sharper.
Are you a terrible receiver and caught between the heart and the words thank you? Do you over give and forget you have boundaries? Giving and receiving are what connect us to the fundamental experiences of life and interdependence. When we give unconditionally we also long to receive deeply and liberally and to feel the meaning of being touched, nourished and transformed by others. It is others who help us transform into the next dimension of our being.
Let us take it a step further, are you a giver or receiver in the bedroom and do you have a hard time asking for what you want and deserve to receive? This practice of receiving begins in everyday life activities before it can even have affect in the bedroom. Receiving can be challenging as we live in a world of selfishness and when we receive with open heart it can sometimes look like selfishness. To remove the selfish and get away from the “take” requires intention and love. Good intention when giving helps people open to a different level that allows them to feel and appreciate. This can be contagious. If we are cold hearted and hateful then receiving can get lost and become taking. There are takers out there and we need to teach them to appreciate everything even the little things that they are given from others and the universe. The universe gives us so much everyday; and yet we don’t take notice. The old saying is better to give then to receive is not true. It is good to have a balance between the two. When we allow ourselves to receive our levels of dopamine rise which is the hormone of feeling good. Receive with confidence and courage. Anthropologist Marcel Mauss examined gift economics and concluded that there is no such thing as a free gift. He claimed that one has no right to refuse a gift, if so it shows a fear of having to reciprocate. So when you receive do you feel obligated to give back such as in holiday or birthday times? The old tit for tat theory. If you receive with open heart and confidence those false feelings of obligation will dissolve. We give to show love and affection and we should also receive with those same feelings. In China the practice of reciprocity is so profound that it is the basic rule of being a person. They believe in repaying ones gratitude with more than what they received. For example if they honor one arm they repay back in honoring ten arms. Every culture has its own way and values when it comes to giving and receiving. In China they also believe in refusing the gift over and over before finally receiving it. I guess working for it so to speak, climbing the ladder of karma and worth.
Sometimes receivers feel weaker and fear having to let down their ego in order to be humble and kind. Part of receiving is giving up control, resistance, armor and defense. Even when we give advice people reject that because of their frail egos may have to open to the heart of receiving. If we are not a good receiver we can lose respect from others in the sense that they may take advantage. Everyone deserves to receive in many ways which says I can and deserve to receive love.
Receiving is one of the most intimate gifts of life and if you miss this part of it you are not living. My advice is to accept what your partner is giving and find the connection. Receiving can heal your pain and is very empowering so I recommend faking it for a while until that heart opens and connects to the whole experience
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Love Buzz - RECEIVING FROM THE HEART
(This article was published in the Century City News on April 17, 2012)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Are you a giver or a receiver? It is said that giving is a way to open to the higher power while receiving is a way to connect to the universe. When we receive we allow the positive flow of another’s gifts to circulate through our system. We give ourselves the permission to let someone in. I believe if we can’t receive then we lack a sense of worth, loss and possibly guilt. Some people would rather give because they don’t know how to receive . When we receive there is a warmth in the heart that begins to open up with joy; a warmth that surrounds the chest and heart areas with love and attention and a feeling of love that circulates through the rest of the body. Is this hard to receive? Receiving comes in many forms such as taking a compliment, or a material gift or a smile or even a touch. When we allow ourselves to receive there is a certain love that we show ourselves that no one else experiences but you. Receiving is a way of connecting and opening your heart to your own feelings. You may not like a gift that someone gives you but the question is how well do you receive it? Do you receive it with anger, disappointment, and frustration or with love even if they didn’t know what you needed or wanted. Did it ever occur to you that people are trying their best to please us in any way they can. When you go to a restaurant and you didn’t like the dessert that was homemade from this family owned restaurant; do you label it as being bad food or do you instead say to your heart, they tried their best to please me the customer and they did put effort into it and I should appreciate them for their love; they are doing their best. We forget to look at what other people have available to give from their hearts. We only give what we are able to and what we know. When we receive we teach ourselves and others the real meaning of love and in essence we get smarter and sharper.
Are you a terrible receiver and caught between the heart and the words thank you? Do you over give and forget you have boundaries? Giving and receiving are what connect us to the fundamental experiences of life and interdependence. When we give unconditionally we also long to receive deeply and liberally and to feel the meaning of being touched, nourished and transformed by others. It is others who help us transform into the next dimension of our being.
Let us take it a step further, are you a giver or receiver in the bedroom and do you have a hard time asking for what you want and deserve to receive? This practice of receiving begins in everyday life activities before it can even have affect in the bedroom. Receiving can be challenging as we live in a world of selfishness and when we receive with open heart it can sometimes look like selfishness. To remove the selfish and get away from the “take” requires intention and love. Good intention when giving helps people open to a different level that allows them to feel and appreciate. This can be contagious. If we are cold hearted and hateful then receiving can get lost and become taking. There are takers out there and we need to teach them to appreciate everything even the little things that they are given from others and the universe. The universe gives us so much everyday; and yet we don’t take notice. The old saying is better to give then to receive is not true. It is good to have a balance between the two. When we allow ourselves to receive our levels of dopamine rise which is the hormone of feeling good. Receive with confidence and courage. Anthropologist Marcel Mauss examined gift economics and concluded that there is no such thing as a free gift. He claimed that one has no right to refuse a gift, if so it shows a fear of having to reciprocate. So when you receive do you feel obligated to give back such as in holiday or birthday times? The old tit for tat theory. If you receive with open heart and confidence those false feelings of obligation will dissolve. We give to show love and affection and we should also receive with those same feelings. In China the practice of reciprocity is so profound that it is the basic rule of being a person. They believe in repaying ones gratitude with more than what they received. For example if they honor one arm they repay back in honoring ten arms. Every culture has its own way and values when it comes to giving and receiving. In China they also believe in refusing the gift over and over before finally receiving it. I guess working for it so to speak, climbing the ladder of karma and worth.
Sometimes receivers feel weaker and fear having to let down their ego in order to be humble and kind. Part of receiving is giving up control, resistance, armor and defense. Even when we give advice people reject that because of their frail egos may have to open to the heart of receiving. If we are not a good receiver we can lose respect from others in the sense that they may take advantage. Everyone deserves to receive in many ways which says I can and deserve to receive love.
Receiving is one of the most intimate gifts of life and if you miss this part of it you are not living. My advice is to accept what your partner is giving and find the connection. Receiving can heal your pain and is very empowering so I recommend faking it for a while until that heart opens and connects to the whole experience
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Are you a giver or a receiver? It is said that giving is a way to open to the higher power while receiving is a way to connect to the universe. When we receive we allow the positive flow of another’s gifts to circulate through our system. We give ourselves the permission to let someone in. I believe if we can’t receive then we lack a sense of worth, loss and possibly guilt. Some people would rather give because they don’t know how to receive . When we receive there is a warmth in the heart that begins to open up with joy; a warmth that surrounds the chest and heart areas with love and attention and a feeling of love that circulates through the rest of the body. Is this hard to receive? Receiving comes in many forms such as taking a compliment, or a material gift or a smile or even a touch. When we allow ourselves to receive there is a certain love that we show ourselves that no one else experiences but you. Receiving is a way of connecting and opening your heart to your own feelings. You may not like a gift that someone gives you but the question is how well do you receive it? Do you receive it with anger, disappointment, and frustration or with love even if they didn’t know what you needed or wanted. Did it ever occur to you that people are trying their best to please us in any way they can. When you go to a restaurant and you didn’t like the dessert that was homemade from this family owned restaurant; do you label it as being bad food or do you instead say to your heart, they tried their best to please me the customer and they did put effort into it and I should appreciate them for their love; they are doing their best. We forget to look at what other people have available to give from their hearts. We only give what we are able to and what we know. When we receive we teach ourselves and others the real meaning of love and in essence we get smarter and sharper.
Are you a terrible receiver and caught between the heart and the words thank you? Do you over give and forget you have boundaries? Giving and receiving are what connect us to the fundamental experiences of life and interdependence. When we give unconditionally we also long to receive deeply and liberally and to feel the meaning of being touched, nourished and transformed by others. It is others who help us transform into the next dimension of our being.
Let us take it a step further, are you a giver or receiver in the bedroom and do you have a hard time asking for what you want and deserve to receive? This practice of receiving begins in everyday life activities before it can even have affect in the bedroom. Receiving can be challenging as we live in a world of selfishness and when we receive with open heart it can sometimes look like selfishness. To remove the selfish and get away from the “take” requires intention and love. Good intention when giving helps people open to a different level that allows them to feel and appreciate. This can be contagious. If we are cold hearted and hateful then receiving can get lost and become taking. There are takers out there and we need to teach them to appreciate everything even the little things that they are given from others and the universe. The universe gives us so much everyday; and yet we don’t take notice. The old saying is better to give then to receive is not true. It is good to have a balance between the two. When we allow ourselves to receive our levels of dopamine rise which is the hormone of feeling good. Receive with confidence and courage. Anthropologist Marcel Mauss examined gift economics and concluded that there is no such thing as a free gift. He claimed that one has no right to refuse a gift, if so it shows a fear of having to reciprocate. So when you receive do you feel obligated to give back such as in holiday or birthday times? The old tit for tat theory. If you receive with open heart and confidence those false feelings of obligation will dissolve. We give to show love and affection and we should also receive with those same feelings. In China the practice of reciprocity is so profound that it is the basic rule of being a person. They believe in repaying ones gratitude with more than what they received. For example if they honor one arm they repay back in honoring ten arms. Every culture has its own way and values when it comes to giving and receiving. In China they also believe in refusing the gift over and over before finally receiving it. I guess working for it so to speak, climbing the ladder of karma and worth.
Sometimes receivers feel weaker and fear having to let down their ego in order to be humble and kind. Part of receiving is giving up control, resistance, armor and defense. Even when we give advice people reject that because of their frail egos may have to open to the heart of receiving. If we are not a good receiver we can lose respect from others in the sense that they may take advantage. Everyone deserves to receive in many ways which says I can and deserve to receive love.
Receiving is one of the most intimate gifts of life and if you miss this part of it you are not living. My advice is to accept what your partner is giving and find the connection. Receiving can heal your pain and is very empowering so I recommend faking it for a while until that heart opens and connects to the whole experience
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
LOVE BUZZ - SOUL MATE WHOLENESS
(This article originally appeared in the May 1, 2012 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Some of us are still wondering when that true soul mate will enter our lives and help complete the wholeness that we so desire. It can take a lifetime and going through many failed relationships to finally connect with the right one. I often wonder how people even know what a true soul mate is. I hear some folk talking about their relationship they are still in which began at age 16. And how so many of us wanted to stay with the sweet sixteen lover forever. What makes a soul mate so special and how do we attract this person? Yes it has been a long journey for some of us and so long that we’ve forgotten what it was like to be desired, wanted, to have a man pull the sweater over your shoulder and have a woman look you in the eyes and say she loves you and means it. Some are in relationships because they have stopped growing and basically just exist with someone. After being married for so many years you may wake up one day and find yourself wanting a new relationship.
One thing about love is that you have to be ready or you will attract temporary and sometimes trouble. Soul mates are all around you, your best friend, your parents, your co-workers and so on but romantic soul mate is deeper and more of a yearning. I believe romantic soul mate requires us to go deep inside and face ourselves with love and understanding before we can attract our true mate. It is important to have healthy, bonding loving relationships with those around you. This is a pre-requisite for the soul mate to enter your life. The quest for love and happiness is really a yearning for wholeness. Having a soul mate can help you open up to a new exploration of the heart and find real true love that is beyond the ordinary. Sounds like the fairy tale but why do some of us get it and others continue to suffer.
The law of attraction is the new way to get what you want from love to career and so on. So how do we attract this power? One thing first is to identify your patterns in your last relationships. When we break patterns all kinds of possibilities show up. Let’s start by changing the places we go. Explore new territory and make new friends. Invite yourself in to connect with others. Go to different meet-up groups and try different types of dance places like ballroom or salsa. All of these things are to help you break patterns and make change, so we have begun. Sex sails with a partner when you have things in common. If you like to golf then go to those places, do things that you like to do and connect to people this way. If you like drama then join a theatre group. Start doing things that turn you on, stop following what your friends like.
Next let’s identify our challenges, insecurities and fears; begin to make a list. It is important to be honest with your challenges and facing them so that you don’t get into the habit of projecting onto your partner. Look at why your last few relationships have failed. Also make a list of what you past lover found irritating about you. Focus on the things you don’t like so that they don’t outweigh the things you do like in a mate. There should be some sort of balance.
Next let us focus on communication, openness and honesty. Begin with trusting yourself and cultivating this within and you will in turn begin to trust your mate. Learn to accept criticism and truth. Be upfront and communicate just what you need and want and where you are in your life. Be adaptable and open until you mesh as one with your mate. Be open to try new things your mate introduces to you.
Know your preferences such as what you want in a mate. If you want a non-smoker than put that out there. Make a list of what you will put up with. If you like to travel, best to find someone who does as well or you will be alone. Know what you like and find that in your mate. If you get someone who matches you at 40 percent it could work with some adjustments.
Let go of the past lovers that you still think about. Remove those energetic hooks that keep you connected. Energetic hooks in you or in someone else can prevent you from meeting someone. Before you can attract your soul mate you need to be ready on an emotional and physical level. You need to have your home ready as if this soul mate is already living in there. I suggest clearing the bedroom and make this area nice and ready. Get some real nice sheets and fancy curtains and rugs. Adorn it with flowers and candles and talk as if this person was in the room there with you. Write him/her poems about your feelings and how you can’t wait to be together one day. Use your imagination to create what you want, that is what it is for. Oh and go out and buy a new bed and fancy it up, and keep it sacred and pure for that soul mate to arrive.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Some of us are still wondering when that true soul mate will enter our lives and help complete the wholeness that we so desire. It can take a lifetime and going through many failed relationships to finally connect with the right one. I often wonder how people even know what a true soul mate is. I hear some folk talking about their relationship they are still in which began at age 16. And how so many of us wanted to stay with the sweet sixteen lover forever. What makes a soul mate so special and how do we attract this person? Yes it has been a long journey for some of us and so long that we’ve forgotten what it was like to be desired, wanted, to have a man pull the sweater over your shoulder and have a woman look you in the eyes and say she loves you and means it. Some are in relationships because they have stopped growing and basically just exist with someone. After being married for so many years you may wake up one day and find yourself wanting a new relationship.
One thing about love is that you have to be ready or you will attract temporary and sometimes trouble. Soul mates are all around you, your best friend, your parents, your co-workers and so on but romantic soul mate is deeper and more of a yearning. I believe romantic soul mate requires us to go deep inside and face ourselves with love and understanding before we can attract our true mate. It is important to have healthy, bonding loving relationships with those around you. This is a pre-requisite for the soul mate to enter your life. The quest for love and happiness is really a yearning for wholeness. Having a soul mate can help you open up to a new exploration of the heart and find real true love that is beyond the ordinary. Sounds like the fairy tale but why do some of us get it and others continue to suffer.
The law of attraction is the new way to get what you want from love to career and so on. So how do we attract this power? One thing first is to identify your patterns in your last relationships. When we break patterns all kinds of possibilities show up. Let’s start by changing the places we go. Explore new territory and make new friends. Invite yourself in to connect with others. Go to different meet-up groups and try different types of dance places like ballroom or salsa. All of these things are to help you break patterns and make change, so we have begun. Sex sails with a partner when you have things in common. If you like to golf then go to those places, do things that you like to do and connect to people this way. If you like drama then join a theatre group. Start doing things that turn you on, stop following what your friends like.
Next let’s identify our challenges, insecurities and fears; begin to make a list. It is important to be honest with your challenges and facing them so that you don’t get into the habit of projecting onto your partner. Look at why your last few relationships have failed. Also make a list of what you past lover found irritating about you. Focus on the things you don’t like so that they don’t outweigh the things you do like in a mate. There should be some sort of balance.
Next let us focus on communication, openness and honesty. Begin with trusting yourself and cultivating this within and you will in turn begin to trust your mate. Learn to accept criticism and truth. Be upfront and communicate just what you need and want and where you are in your life. Be adaptable and open until you mesh as one with your mate. Be open to try new things your mate introduces to you.
Know your preferences such as what you want in a mate. If you want a non-smoker than put that out there. Make a list of what you will put up with. If you like to travel, best to find someone who does as well or you will be alone. Know what you like and find that in your mate. If you get someone who matches you at 40 percent it could work with some adjustments.
Let go of the past lovers that you still think about. Remove those energetic hooks that keep you connected. Energetic hooks in you or in someone else can prevent you from meeting someone. Before you can attract your soul mate you need to be ready on an emotional and physical level. You need to have your home ready as if this soul mate is already living in there. I suggest clearing the bedroom and make this area nice and ready. Get some real nice sheets and fancy curtains and rugs. Adorn it with flowers and candles and talk as if this person was in the room there with you. Write him/her poems about your feelings and how you can’t wait to be together one day. Use your imagination to create what you want, that is what it is for. Oh and go out and buy a new bed and fancy it up, and keep it sacred and pure for that soul mate to arrive.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Friday, March 28, 2014
Love Buzz - Why Do We Hurt The One We Love
(This originally appeared in the July 26th, 2011 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
I generally don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone I don’t love. I don’t hurt human beings but rather I honor them, love them, show compassion and empathy as often as I can. This tells me my heart is working and is being exercised in the most stimulating way I know. I am writing this because I have been hurt so much with love and I often wonder why they love me and then they don’t. I feel that we are put into relationships to learn how to love ourselves even more and so the hate weighs out the love of the person we channeled it to and possibly this is why we go on to hate a former lover just so to get the love back to ourselves. It does make sense to me because to love someone deeply we must first love ourselves and take the love from the heart source and share it with another. We begin to be mean and hateful when it comes to breaking up in an effort to get the love of the self back. Why does it have to be this way? We lend out our love to mates and sometimes we don’t get back what we put out. We need to be more objective with romance because relationships these days are all about sharing the love with everybody and women have yet to learn to come to this maturity in accepting a man in this way.
Romantic relationships continually harness the sense of our self, propelling us to grow. Within every relationship there is growth that we must see. The big question today is why is it so difficult to stay together for a period of time and give each other the fulfillment that we deserve in the relationship. I think we have lost value of what a relationship means. These short half on end relationships are not even worthy anymore. Why get into them for six months to just get out of them which can take longer. It can get so tiring. It’s a wonder our world is so dysfunctional. Then there are those who get married and have that containment and have side affairs which end as well and promises, promises are made and people get hurt. Humans are hurting each other every day in many ways not only in relationships. But relationships are where it all begins and are suppose to teach us.
So just how can we heal the hurt pain? Relationships teach growth and each and every one is a stepping stone to improving yourself. But some stay victim and build defenses and just can’t seem to find the love of life after a bad romance. A study revealed that the mental health of men is more affected by the strains of romance than women. It also revealed that men benefit from support more than women. I believe this is true because men need the attention; they have baby needs that always need fulfillment and women go overboard in being the mommy the nurturer and so on. For women just simply having the relationship matters most whether it provides stress or support. Professor Robin W. Simon quoted in the New York Times; “even though there’s been so much social change in this area, women’s self-worth is still so much tied up with having a boyfriend. My feeling on that is in this day and age yes we should be because men have so many women on strings that just having a boyfriend is the American dream anymore and holding onto him. Look at the stars, Aniston, Madonna and Cher all have a challenge holding onto the relationship.
It seems as though women know how to do relationships and men still need to learn and this could explain the strains of hurt. Although it always looks and feels as though women hurt more and they probably do. I think that women show more emotion and manifest expressive behaviors a lot more than a man simply because they just wanted the relationship. We know it comes with strain and pain. Men learned to stay composed and in control but they have feelings to and they do hurt. They teach themselves to close off the heart because their sexual side comes first whereas women’s hearts are first. We need a little more harmony in these areas. Women tend to find creative outlets for emotional channeling than men and is probably why they look more emotionally stimulated. We want to see the feminine vulnerable spiritual side of a man. Men rely solely on a girlfriend for all the emotional needs. It’s a wonder us women are strong yet some becoming needy that really aren’t. Men actually put the pressure on a woman with their undiffused emotional self. Of course men are more in the moment when it comes to romance where women always look long term and probably so because of the reproductive clock thing. I will leave you with one thought here as Oscar Wilde said: “ each man kills the thing he loves”; however hurting one’s beloved is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness; more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it. To me this says that on some level we are not deserving of the fulfillment that love brings.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
I generally don’t hurt anyone I love or anyone I don’t love. I don’t hurt human beings but rather I honor them, love them, show compassion and empathy as often as I can. This tells me my heart is working and is being exercised in the most stimulating way I know. I am writing this because I have been hurt so much with love and I often wonder why they love me and then they don’t. I feel that we are put into relationships to learn how to love ourselves even more and so the hate weighs out the love of the person we channeled it to and possibly this is why we go on to hate a former lover just so to get the love back to ourselves. It does make sense to me because to love someone deeply we must first love ourselves and take the love from the heart source and share it with another. We begin to be mean and hateful when it comes to breaking up in an effort to get the love of the self back. Why does it have to be this way? We lend out our love to mates and sometimes we don’t get back what we put out. We need to be more objective with romance because relationships these days are all about sharing the love with everybody and women have yet to learn to come to this maturity in accepting a man in this way.
Romantic relationships continually harness the sense of our self, propelling us to grow. Within every relationship there is growth that we must see. The big question today is why is it so difficult to stay together for a period of time and give each other the fulfillment that we deserve in the relationship. I think we have lost value of what a relationship means. These short half on end relationships are not even worthy anymore. Why get into them for six months to just get out of them which can take longer. It can get so tiring. It’s a wonder our world is so dysfunctional. Then there are those who get married and have that containment and have side affairs which end as well and promises, promises are made and people get hurt. Humans are hurting each other every day in many ways not only in relationships. But relationships are where it all begins and are suppose to teach us.
So just how can we heal the hurt pain? Relationships teach growth and each and every one is a stepping stone to improving yourself. But some stay victim and build defenses and just can’t seem to find the love of life after a bad romance. A study revealed that the mental health of men is more affected by the strains of romance than women. It also revealed that men benefit from support more than women. I believe this is true because men need the attention; they have baby needs that always need fulfillment and women go overboard in being the mommy the nurturer and so on. For women just simply having the relationship matters most whether it provides stress or support. Professor Robin W. Simon quoted in the New York Times; “even though there’s been so much social change in this area, women’s self-worth is still so much tied up with having a boyfriend. My feeling on that is in this day and age yes we should be because men have so many women on strings that just having a boyfriend is the American dream anymore and holding onto him. Look at the stars, Aniston, Madonna and Cher all have a challenge holding onto the relationship.
It seems as though women know how to do relationships and men still need to learn and this could explain the strains of hurt. Although it always looks and feels as though women hurt more and they probably do. I think that women show more emotion and manifest expressive behaviors a lot more than a man simply because they just wanted the relationship. We know it comes with strain and pain. Men learned to stay composed and in control but they have feelings to and they do hurt. They teach themselves to close off the heart because their sexual side comes first whereas women’s hearts are first. We need a little more harmony in these areas. Women tend to find creative outlets for emotional channeling than men and is probably why they look more emotionally stimulated. We want to see the feminine vulnerable spiritual side of a man. Men rely solely on a girlfriend for all the emotional needs. It’s a wonder us women are strong yet some becoming needy that really aren’t. Men actually put the pressure on a woman with their undiffused emotional self. Of course men are more in the moment when it comes to romance where women always look long term and probably so because of the reproductive clock thing. I will leave you with one thought here as Oscar Wilde said: “ each man kills the thing he loves”; however hurting one’s beloved is frequent. Since the beloved is a major source of happiness, this person is also a major threat to our happiness; more than anyone else, the beloved can ruin it. To me this says that on some level we are not deserving of the fulfillment that love brings.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Love Buzz - Hearing Your Partner
(This article originally appeared in the August 8th, 2011 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Do you really take in and hear what your partner is asking for? Some of us listen but don’t hear. The most important thing in a relationship is to hear your partner. Sometimes we think we are listening but it goes in one ear and out the other. When we listen with depth and from the heart we can respond on a deeper level to our partners needs. Listening is a skill that requires practice. We tend to talk at each other but it is best to communicate where one at a time speaks and the other listens. We hear so much in one day that concentrating on the purpose and meaning of the words can just be too much for the body brain to process. Some people only hear what they want to hear and this becomes a habit of blocking out other important information that may be worthy of understanding at a deeper level. Part of listening and hearing is giving up the selfishness. Judging is a habit that is associated with listening. There are many techniques that help with listening.
Empathy involves hearing your mates description of his or her feelings taking those feelings seriously and responding in a supportive, helping way. Talking to your partner and assisting them in ways that you feel would be beneficial. Empathy is being able to put you in their shoes for a moment and feel and understand their reality.
Acceptance is loving your partner for who they are. Loving them when they are angry and wrong and so on. When we accept them we are hearing their soul at the source. Accepting gives your partner the space to open up and communicate more effectively.
Intuition is also a way of cluing into what your partners needs are. When we develop our listening skills we then can be more insightful and know what really is going and then be in tune with our partner. This is harmonizing and aligning your feelings, thoughts and actions. Listen to your partners words and actions.
Hearing your partner in everyday activities trains the mind to hear and feel together what your partner is asking for in the bedroom. Learn to ask questions to your partner to help you understand and clarify his or her emotions in a calm manner. The key to listening is feeling out their emotions and connecting to your own emotions at the same time. When we connect to our emotions we are beginning the healing process. Everything is a healing process even listening. To listen is a responsibility that humans need to endure.
Beware of the impulse to defend and attack back. When we strike back we avoid listening and hearing what is being said. Let go of critiquing your partner and sounding like a litigator.
All people want is to be heard and to have their voice to express what is on their mind. If the other person doesn’t give them the space to receive the moment then suppression can set in. Without moments we have losses. Listening with your full self and from the heart is being present and an active listener. So this week take the time to be focused and committed to what your partner is saying. When they talk, sit down and listen to their every word and movement. This takes a special concentration where a giving and receiving is integrated.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Do you really take in and hear what your partner is asking for? Some of us listen but don’t hear. The most important thing in a relationship is to hear your partner. Sometimes we think we are listening but it goes in one ear and out the other. When we listen with depth and from the heart we can respond on a deeper level to our partners needs. Listening is a skill that requires practice. We tend to talk at each other but it is best to communicate where one at a time speaks and the other listens. We hear so much in one day that concentrating on the purpose and meaning of the words can just be too much for the body brain to process. Some people only hear what they want to hear and this becomes a habit of blocking out other important information that may be worthy of understanding at a deeper level. Part of listening and hearing is giving up the selfishness. Judging is a habit that is associated with listening. There are many techniques that help with listening.
Empathy involves hearing your mates description of his or her feelings taking those feelings seriously and responding in a supportive, helping way. Talking to your partner and assisting them in ways that you feel would be beneficial. Empathy is being able to put you in their shoes for a moment and feel and understand their reality.
Acceptance is loving your partner for who they are. Loving them when they are angry and wrong and so on. When we accept them we are hearing their soul at the source. Accepting gives your partner the space to open up and communicate more effectively.
Intuition is also a way of cluing into what your partners needs are. When we develop our listening skills we then can be more insightful and know what really is going and then be in tune with our partner. This is harmonizing and aligning your feelings, thoughts and actions. Listen to your partners words and actions.
Hearing your partner in everyday activities trains the mind to hear and feel together what your partner is asking for in the bedroom. Learn to ask questions to your partner to help you understand and clarify his or her emotions in a calm manner. The key to listening is feeling out their emotions and connecting to your own emotions at the same time. When we connect to our emotions we are beginning the healing process. Everything is a healing process even listening. To listen is a responsibility that humans need to endure.
Beware of the impulse to defend and attack back. When we strike back we avoid listening and hearing what is being said. Let go of critiquing your partner and sounding like a litigator.
All people want is to be heard and to have their voice to express what is on their mind. If the other person doesn’t give them the space to receive the moment then suppression can set in. Without moments we have losses. Listening with your full self and from the heart is being present and an active listener. So this week take the time to be focused and committed to what your partner is saying. When they talk, sit down and listen to their every word and movement. This takes a special concentration where a giving and receiving is integrated.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.
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