(This article originally appeared in the May 1, 2012 edition of the Century City News)
By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist
Some of us are still wondering when that true soul mate will enter our lives and help complete the wholeness that we so desire. It can take a lifetime and going through many failed relationships to finally connect with the right one. I often wonder how people even know what a true soul mate is. I hear some folk talking about their relationship they are still in which began at age 16. And how so many of us wanted to stay with the sweet sixteen lover forever. What makes a soul mate so special and how do we attract this person? Yes it has been a long journey for some of us and so long that we’ve forgotten what it was like to be desired, wanted, to have a man pull the sweater over your shoulder and have a woman look you in the eyes and say she loves you and means it. Some are in relationships because they have stopped growing and basically just exist with someone. After being married for so many years you may wake up one day and find yourself wanting a new relationship.
One thing about love is that you have to be ready or you will attract temporary and sometimes trouble. Soul mates are all around you, your best friend, your parents, your co-workers and so on but romantic soul mate is deeper and more of a yearning. I believe romantic soul mate requires us to go deep inside and face ourselves with love and understanding before we can attract our true mate. It is important to have healthy, bonding loving relationships with those around you. This is a pre-requisite for the soul mate to enter your life. The quest for love and happiness is really a yearning for wholeness. Having a soul mate can help you open up to a new exploration of the heart and find real true love that is beyond the ordinary. Sounds like the fairy tale but why do some of us get it and others continue to suffer.
The law of attraction is the new way to get what you want from love to career and so on. So how do we attract this power? One thing first is to identify your patterns in your last relationships. When we break patterns all kinds of possibilities show up. Let’s start by changing the places we go. Explore new territory and make new friends. Invite yourself in to connect with others. Go to different meet-up groups and try different types of dance places like ballroom or salsa. All of these things are to help you break patterns and make change, so we have begun. Sex sails with a partner when you have things in common. If you like to golf then go to those places, do things that you like to do and connect to people this way. If you like drama then join a theatre group. Start doing things that turn you on, stop following what your friends like.
Next let’s identify our challenges, insecurities and fears; begin to make a list. It is important to be honest with your challenges and facing them so that you don’t get into the habit of projecting onto your partner. Look at why your last few relationships have failed. Also make a list of what you past lover found irritating about you. Focus on the things you don’t like so that they don’t outweigh the things you do like in a mate. There should be some sort of balance.
Next let us focus on communication, openness and honesty. Begin with trusting yourself and cultivating this within and you will in turn begin to trust your mate. Learn to accept criticism and truth. Be upfront and communicate just what you need and want and where you are in your life. Be adaptable and open until you mesh as one with your mate. Be open to try new things your mate introduces to you.
Know your preferences such as what you want in a mate. If you want a non-smoker than put that out there. Make a list of what you will put up with. If you like to travel, best to find someone who does as well or you will be alone. Know what you like and find that in your mate. If you get someone who matches you at 40 percent it could work with some adjustments.
Let go of the past lovers that you still think about. Remove those energetic hooks that keep you connected. Energetic hooks in you or in someone else can prevent you from meeting someone. Before you can attract your soul mate you need to be ready on an emotional and physical level. You need to have your home ready as if this soul mate is already living in there. I suggest clearing the bedroom and make this area nice and ready. Get some real nice sheets and fancy curtains and rugs. Adorn it with flowers and candles and talk as if this person was in the room there with you. Write him/her poems about your feelings and how you can’t wait to be together one day. Use your imagination to create what you want, that is what it is for. Oh and go out and buy a new bed and fancy it up, and keep it sacred and pure for that soul mate to arrive.
Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.
The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.
Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464
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