Love Buzz - Hearing Your Partner

(This article originally appeared in the August 8th, 2011 edition of the Century City News)

By Anita De Francesco, MA
Relationship Specialist

Do you really take in and hear what your partner is asking for? Some of us listen but don’t hear. The most important thing in a relationship is to hear your partner. Sometimes we think we are listening but it goes in one ear and out the other. When we listen with depth and from the heart we can respond on a deeper level to our partners needs. Listening is a skill that requires practice. We tend to talk at each other but it is best to communicate where one at a time speaks and the other listens. We hear so much in one day that concentrating on the purpose and meaning of the words can just be too much for the body brain to process. Some people only hear what they want to hear and this becomes a habit of blocking out other important information that may be worthy of understanding at a deeper level. Part of listening and hearing is giving up the selfishness. Judging is a habit that is associated with listening. There are many techniques that help with listening.

Empathy involves hearing your mates description of his or her feelings taking those feelings seriously and responding in a supportive, helping way. Talking to your partner and assisting them in ways that you feel would be beneficial. Empathy is being able to put you in their shoes for a moment and feel and understand their reality.

Acceptance is loving your partner for who they are. Loving them when they are angry and wrong and so on. When we accept them we are hearing their soul at the source. Accepting gives your partner the space to open up and communicate more effectively.

Intuition is also a way of cluing into what your partners needs are. When we develop our listening skills we then can be more insightful and know what really is going and then be in tune with our partner. This is harmonizing and aligning your feelings, thoughts and actions. Listen to your partners words and actions.

Hearing your partner in everyday activities trains the mind to hear and feel together what your partner is asking for in the bedroom. Learn to ask questions to your partner to help you understand and clarify his or her emotions in a calm manner. The key to listening is feeling out their emotions and connecting to your own emotions at the same time. When we connect to our emotions we are beginning the healing process. Everything is a healing process even listening. To listen is a responsibility that humans need to endure.

Beware of the impulse to defend and attack back. When we strike back we avoid listening and hearing what is being said. Let go of critiquing your partner and sounding like a litigator.

All people want is to be heard and to have their voice to express what is on their mind. If the other person doesn’t give them the space to receive the moment then suppression can set in. Without moments we have losses. Listening with your full self and from the heart is being present and an active listener. So this week take the time to be focused and committed to what your partner is saying. When they talk, sit down and listen to their every word and movement. This takes a special concentration where a giving and receiving is integrated.

Do you feel stuck and in a rut, depressed or anxious or overall sluggish? I practice Reichian, Gestalt, somatic movement, and counseling/bodywork integrative therapies which involves focused breathing to help stimulate the emotions thus re-patterning the nervous system. I help you to focus on the negative voices and thoughts that create the stress and to resolve those unwanted interruptions that get in the way of your life process. Those stiff armored muscles that block sensation and energy flow will eventually soften.

The rage sitting in the muscles will unfold allowing more feelings of pleasure, more creativeness, freeing blocked energies and sexual dysfunction. Modern society has forced the human character to live in unnatural ways holding back basic needs and instincts. This process of breathing deeply sends messages to the brain which is an effective way to release anger, to let go of baggage, and to feel more alive and trusting thus living in a higher self esteem.

Anita De Francesco, M.A.
www.tantrawisdom.com
info@tantrawisdom.com
310-210-1464

Michael Douglas Carlin is the director of the movies Luvicide and American Federale. Recently he completed a ten-year stint as the Publisher and Editor of the Century City News. Here his articles turned into three books: Rise a Knight, A Prescription for Peace, and Peaceful Protests.